In which the secrets of men are revealed to women

November 11, 2006

A preemptive Happy Veteran’s Day to everyone out there fighting or who has fought for freedom over land, sea and air. Special mention must go to my cousin Gwen and her husband, hope you guys remain safe and sound.

By the way, kaput is German for broken. How about that?

One of my favourite authors, Nury Vitachi answered the following questions on his site http://mrjam.typepad.com , so women may understand us men better. Because there is more than one type of man (Nury is a manly man, I am just a short Asian guy), I will answer the same question so you chicks can finally unravel the mystery that is us. Some of these are just paraphrased already from what Nury has said (because as mentioned before, I have no originality):

1. Why don’t guys talk about their feelings?

Because the real men would use that as an excuse to beat us up.
*

2. No seriously, why don’t men share what they feel?

You would only use that information for evil. Like tell on us to the real men
*

3. Why do guys say they’ll call and then don’t call?

Have you seen how intimidating you are?
*

4. Why do guys only like movies which climax with explosions?

We are easily distracted by bright, shiny things…and with anything with an explosive climax.
*

5. If you give a baby to a guy, why do they hold them at arm’s length as if the child is an unexploded bio-nuclear weapon?

Because babies are evil and want to take over the world
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6. Why do men go straight to sleep after making love?

You tire us out.
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7. Why is it that sometimes you ask a guy a question and he just totally ignores it?

What’s for dinner?
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8. How come men are incapable of showing emotion to women, but will ply machines like cars and computers with hours of devoted, tender affection?

Because we do not have to go shopping with them…just go shopping for them.

*
9. Why do men think belching and farting are entertaining?

We think of them as explosive climaxes

*
10. Why don’t men like shopping?

We do. Although fifteen hours at the Outlets is not shopping
*

11. Why are men incapable of answering a simple question, such as “Do I look better in this outfit or that outfit”?

Because you look good in that hot librarian outfit only you are not a librarian by profession (and likewise you look hot in that nurse outfit only if you are not a nurse by day)…and you do not wear enough black, shiny pleather
*

12. How come little girls grow up to be women, but small boys just grow up to be bigger boys?

At least we’re consistent (unchanged from what Nury wrote, because it is true)
*

13. How come men are never serious about anything?

Oh, look! A quarter!

*
14. Why can’t a man be more like a woman?

Because we are never serious bout anything
*

15. Why on earth do we love you, devote ourselves to you and marry you?

We fix the toilet. And because no one else would, our cars and computers never respond to our proposes
*

16. Why are men such jerks?
Because chicks love a bad boy



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